VicePresident.US: Lying in wait

Vice Presidents Day 2007 (Reborn)

2007-01-28T00:17:34Z

We at VicePresident.us have been remiss in our writing. It is time this year to get back on the horse and hunt, er start writing again. We are considering adding some political thought instead of merely humor. For today, we are going to start with some reminders and move into more serious business in the coming weeks.

Vice Presidents Day 2007

Lest we forget, February 11th is approaching. Of course you remember the significance of February 11th, don't you? Yes, that will be the anniversary of when our Vice President (remember his name?) Dick Cheney shot a man.

Who did he shoot?

In case you forgot, here is the new $10 bill we proposed last year:

Vice Presidents Day 2007

So write to your Senators and Congresspeople and ask them to make February 11th (or the Monday nearest the date) Vice Presidents Day. Let's honor the men who sit a heartbeat away from the Presidency!

Boycott Lynne Cheney, French Sympathizer

2006-03-24T06:23:46Z

The Smoking Gun got ahold of the Second Family's demands, er requests, for downtime suites. You know how hard it is to wait around. Let's see, the rest of us get stuck in doctors' offices, car dealership or barber and are stuck with stale coffee, no food and old magazines. The Cheney's can't have that. No, not for royalty!

While we are outraged by the entire memo, it is Mrs. Cheney's choice of Perrier, yes Perrier, FRENCH water. She drinks water to support those terrorist-loving people. The French come as close to supporting Al Qaeda as any non-Muslim country.

Here's the list:

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Replace the Vice President

2006-03-22T02:47:24Z

So much for humor. Here's a serious one... Condy Rice has said she wants to be NFL Commissioner... OK, so there is a joke in this. We lied.

Anyway, so Condy wants to be NFL Commissioner (but is now saying that it's not the right time). Could this be a great chance for President Bush to replace his top cabinet posts? Why would he do this? Well, he wouldn't because that would mean he would have to admit defeat, or at least mistakes, or at least admit that someone else could do something better.

]]> Back to the point, why do it? You have his "brain" trust of Condy, Rummy and Dick. Now, Dick's the only one who has shot anyone (or as far as we know the Cheney shooting is the only shooting by a senior Bush Administration official) but the others are all for shooting. (No, we are not going to take a position on the war on these pages as this is a non-partisan, or at least centrist, blog.)

It should be easy to replace Condy and Rummy. Condy gets traded to the NFL and Rummy is ready to retire. Come on, he had a cabinet post in the Nixon Administration!

Dick Cheney is the tough one. For one, he may be the most senior person in the Bush Administration so who fires whom. Oops, did we say "fire"? Confirmation of a cabinet post is pretty standard. Replacement and confirmation of a vice president is tougher.

So who wants this, Democrats or Republicans? Democrats would be thrilled to see these three gone and can celebrate all the way to the polls in November. Republicans (at least those in Congress) would be thrilled to see these three gone and would celebrate all the way to the polls in November.

Dems want to vilify the Repulicans for all that is wrong (or that they can say is wrong) coming from the White House. Republicans would love scapegoats outside of Congress. Just look at what they did with Portgate.

So the verdict is in. Fire Rice, Rumsfeld and Cheney. Oops, there we go again with the firing.

Conservative Comics Fire Back

2006-03-20T21:07:23Z

We couldn't resist the title. For those of you familiar only with Doonesbury, the Boondocks, La Cucaracha, et al, there is a single conservative comic strip in the daily funnies. (If you know more, send them our way.)

You've been reading the left's view of the Cheney shooting on these pages for a few weeks. What about the right? We haven't been ignoring the right. It seems that the right didn't think that this was funny. (Note: We would call them conservatives but the US Republican Party is not conservative at all. We get the choice of tax-and-spend Democrats or tax-cut-and-spend Republicans. The Republicans have more pork in their last few budgets than Ted Kennedy dreamed of for any BarBQ he planned.)

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Cheney's Got a Gun (Part 4)

2006-03-17T16:11:53Z

We keep getting e-mails with about our favorite topic: Cheney's Got a Gun lyrics. One of our readers ound this one at Shaw's Law. Sing along!

Cheney's Got a Gun
(Lyrics by Tom Feeley & Sam Einhorn )
to the tune of Aerosmith's "Janey's Got a Gun"

Cheney's got a gun
Cheney's got a gun
He peppered Whittington
A heart attack ain’t no fun
What did Dick Cheney do?
How did he not see you?

]]> When the quails flew their covey Harry snuck up from behind
Though he was thirty yards away
You shot him in the face
Too bad you can’t turn back time

Cheney’s got a gun
Cheney’s got a gun
White House spin just begun
The Press Core’s come undone
"Why won’t you tell the truth?"
"Weren’t you high on brew?"

He shot that frail old man you know he's got to be insane
He pulled a fast one eighty
And shot Harry in the face
He ain't ever gonna look the same

Run away, run away from Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney)
Run away, run away, run, run away
(Dick Cheney)
Run away, run away, from Dick Cheney

Cheney’s got a gun
Cheney’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run
Harry’s like Hamilton
Aaron Burr would be proud
That you shot that old man down

It happened on a private lot where you shoot birds in their pen
That bought you time to get sober
And wait til it blew over
And let Karl form the master plan

Cheney’s got a gun
Cheney’s got a gun
He peppered him when he spun
He blamed it on Whittington
How could Cheney fail
To see his friend was not a quail?

You know because it’s in Texas he could be looking at the Chair
And then Bush would for real
Be alone behind the wheel
Man we do not want to go there…

Run away, run away from Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney)
Run away, run away, run, run away
(Dick Cheney)
Run away, run away, from Dick Cheney

Cheney’s got a gun
Cheney’s got a gun
Fucking Halliburton
Cheney’s got a gun…

La Cucharacha... Hey, that's the VP you're talking about

2006-03-07T06:09:06Z

You know you've messed up when yoou're the butt of jokes in the funny pages.

Cheney's Got a Gun (Part 3)

2006-03-02T20:18:47Z

I'm hooked on finding more Cheney's Got a Gun lyrics. This one is from Am I Right and Karavans.

Cheney's got a gun, Cheney's got a gun
Went huntin' for some fun
Reputation's undone

What did Dick Cheney do?
He shot his pal, yes it's true...

]]> They say when Cheney goes out huntin'
You try to stay the hell away...
But look out for what's comin' 'cause when Cheney's got a gun
He might hit you with his shotgun's spray...!

Cheney's got a gun, Cheney's got a gun
Guess who is safe? No one
Everybody is on the run

Was the Vice Pres. high on glue?
What did Dick Cheney do?

He shot his friend, you know it's crazy
He hit him in the chest and head...
So don't get in the line of fire or else you may expire
The bastards lucky that he isn't dead...!

Shoot away...
Shoot away at the quail!
Shoot away...
Shoot away at the quail!
Shoot away...
Shoot away...
Shoot away...

Cheney's got a gun, Cheney's got a gun
Guess who is safe? No one
Now everybody is on the run

What did Dick Cheney do?
There's something I have to tell you

His rep's said sorry for the whole mess
The G.O.P. walks out okay
Well that is horse shit friends, I profess "cause with guns they always say yes
But he'll go scotch free (unlike Delay...!)

Shoot away…
Shoot away at the quail!
Shoot away…
Shoot away at the quail!
Shoot away…
Shoot away…
Shoot away…

Cheney's got a gun...
Cheney's got a gun...
Cheney's got a gun...
Everybody is on the run...
Cheney's got a gun...
Guess who is safe? No one...
Everybody is on the run...
Cheney's got a gun…
Cheney's got a gun...
Guess who is safe? No one...
Everybody is on the one...
Cheney's got a gun...

Old Cheney Went A-Hunting

2006-03-01T17:15:21Z

Our favorite song of this genre remains Cheney's Got a Gun lyrics but this one was worth posting. This one comes from Flowgo:

Old Cheney went a-hunting
A-hunting he did go
He shot his best friend in the face
"Oh crap", he said, "Oh no!"

]]> The press were in a frenzy
They took his guns away
Old Dick was mocked and mocked some more
And not allowed to play

Poor Dick was lost without his guns
The punishment was drastic
But Cheney was his guns again
'Cept now they're made of plastic

Dick's now the toy store mascot
His guns shoot balls and water
It's a happy happy ending
And nobody gets slaughtered!

Cheney's Got a Gun Lyrics (Part 2)

2006-02-28T23:37:19Z

We found more lyrics to our new favorite song: Cheney's Got a Gun at Daily Nugget:

Dum, dum, dum, Cheney what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, Cheney what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

]]> Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
His whole world's come undone
From shootin' quail on the run
What did poor Harry do
What did he put you through

They say when Cheney lost investments
He swore to give Harry pain
That lawyer had it comin'
Now that Cheney's Got A Gun
He ain't never gonna be the same

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
The Newsday's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me now it's untrue
What will McClellan do

He shot the crooked lawyer
The man has got to be insane
They say the lawyer might just die
They can't cover up the lie
He'll go on FOX and look like he's in pain

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
What did Harry do
With Cheney's last I.O.U.

He had to take him down easy
And put some pellets in his brain
He said that mofo lost my cash
I'll put some pellets in his ass
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
Everybody is on the run

Cheney's Got A Gun
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause Cheney's Got A Gun (Tell me it ain't right)
Cheney's Got A Gun (Was it the lost investments)
His dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)
Cheney's Got A Gun
His dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run
Cheney's Got A Gun

New Yorker Cover

2006-02-28T23:34:03Z

Vice President Cheney has to say his prayers every night and hope that this scandal passes. It will. They all do. But you know it's not dying down when the New Yorker puts you on its cover. OUCH!

Happy Anniversary to VicePresident.US

2006-02-27T16:31:51Z

Can you believe it... we made it to our 1 week anniversary!!!

Happy Anniversary to us!!!

Dick Cheney Fan Club

2006-02-24T16:44:19Z

Would you believe that there are people out there who actually like Dick Cheney? I'm so shocked by this that I have decided to dedicate today's entry to these folks.

]]> Again, we have to point out that our views on the Vice President have nothing to do with politics. We pretty much haven't had respect for any Veep dating back years. It seems to us that anyone who adamantly supports Dick Cheney either blindly follows a single political party (we caution against such an action with regard to any political party or politician) or is joking. Take a look at these sites and decide for yourself.

The Unofficial Dick Cheney Fan Club
Founder of the Fan Club
Cheney Chicks
Cheney Is the Man!
The White House: Yeah, we think this site is a little biased... but who knows what will happen if the Dems win in 2008
WhiteHouse.org: Contains redacted information on the Vice President. Far superior (and funnier) than the real White House site.
The Officious Shop of the White House
VicePresidents.com: It sounds unbiased. I haven't had a chance to read it. Lynn Cheney: She seems to be a big fan and the White House gave her her own site.

Cheney Hunting in the Boondocks

2006-02-23T16:47:39Z

Aaron McGruder spent the early part of this week in Boondocks musing over our favorite subject of the week: Dick Cheney Hunting. You know you've messed up when you see the comics (not political cartoons) making fun of you.

[On a side note, there is a billboard near my house for a Boondocks TV show. It says that it is at 11PM but neglects to state the channel it is on. That's not the most effective advertising.]

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Double Threat: Cheney & Kennedy

2006-02-22T14:00:00Z

Another submission from our regular reader (he's been here both of the days we've been live). He found this one at Fark. We're moving this to the top of the queue as it is bipartisan mockery. We don't hold anything against either party, we think both partieshave sold us out.

Cheney with the NRA

2006-02-21T16:06:26Z

One of our loyal (OK, first time) readers sent in this image from Daily Kos. If a picture is worth 1,000 words, this entry is now 1,028 words.